He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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