the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
