WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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