The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
