dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
