I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
