i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
