have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
