Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
