Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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