Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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