Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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