I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
