and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
