He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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