a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
