i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
