Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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