Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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