This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
