So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
