I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
