Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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