is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
