Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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