I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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