went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
