i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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