i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Sacagawea was the original milf.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
