I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
