This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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