If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
