You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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