I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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