he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
