even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
