dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
