And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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