not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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