I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
