He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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