she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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