I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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