You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
