Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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