the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
