I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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