Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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