im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You're like the curious george of whores
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
