OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
These tits shall not be calmed
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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